11 Marriage Tips from Couples in Happy Long Marriages

These are some of the best marriage tips ever, from couples that have been married for over 10 years. If you’re a newlywed looking for easy and practical marriage advice, or if you’ve been married for years and you want to be proactive in maintaining a healthy marriage, these marriage tips are for you!

I’ve been married 18 years to the love of my life, my best friend, and my high school sweetheart. Yes, it’s super rare these days to see two people that started dating when they were in high school who are still together decades later, but here we are!

Our young love has survived two proms, my learning to drive (I swear I did not see that stop sign!), my four years of college, his 9 month deployment in the US Navy, a cross-country move, the starting of a business, a few different career changes, two beautiful kids and lots of diapers, and my literal near death experience (during which my hubby was telling me to “walk it off”).

Don’t get me wrong…  We’ve been in the valleys. 

We’ve had our highs and our lows.  Our marriage has not been without struggles.  But our love and mutual respect for each other has brought us through everything that life has thrown at us so far. 

And after being happily married for years, and also being the child of still-married parents, I’ve picked up a few marriage tips along the way. These are tips that I’ve used in my own marriage, as well as marriage advice that I’ve seen in action in the relationships of friends and family.

So whether you need a good piece of marriage advice to write on an index card at a bridal shower, or you’re looking for ways to help you have a healthy marriage with your spouse, here are some of the best marriage tips around:

Tip #1:  Choose to love each other every day.

This tip actually comes from my Memaw.  I remember sitting on the corner of her bed with her one day and she told me bluntly “I may not like your Grandpa everyday, but I choose to love him everyday”. 

It’s true.  Sometimes you won’t really 100% like each other.  But you have to make the conscious choice to LOVE each other.  As the decades go by, love becomes more of a choice than a feeling… especially on those days that you’re fighting with your spouse about leaving the toilet seat up.

News flash – Marriage isn’t like a Hollywood chick-flick.  Don’t wait to be swept off your feet.  The butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling will fade.  But, if you choose to love each other no matter what, your marriage will thrive, and your love will last.

Tip #2:  Date your spouse – regularly.

Don’t just go out on dates… actually date each other.  The way you used to.  When you would put perfume on and fret about which jeans made your butt look best.

Dating your spouse is incredibly important to keep the “spark” burning in your marriage. Even if you can’t find a babysitter for a weekly date night, be sure to spend quality time at home together with a stay at home date night. My husband and I love making homemade chocolate fondue with all the dippers, just like we get at The Melting Pot. But there are TONS of creative ways that you can make a special date night at home!

Or if you’re able to leave the house for some quality time together, then check out these 94 fun date night ideas to get inspired!

Tip #3:  Be each other’s biggest cheerleader.

Be each other’s biggest cheerleader!  Encourage each other through trials, and cheer loudly and proudly for your spouse’s victories. 

Go, Boogie, Go!  I literally painted a sign that said this for my husband when he was playing in a softball league.  See proof below:

Everyday life can be stressful enough, with difficulties at work or family matters, so your spouse should be your biggest supporter helping you through the tough times and cheering extra loudly for all of your small wins – whether it’s a job promotion or a new personal best time per mile during a daily run.

Tip #4:  Do whatever you can to make your spouse’s life easier.

This tip comes from the required marriage counseling that we received from our pastor before he would perform our marriage ceremony.  And it may be one of the toughest to implement. 

I don’t know about you, but when I have a spare 20 minutes, I want to take that time for myself (usually hiding in the bathroom with an Us Weekly magazine).  I definitely don’t want to pile on another task to complete just to make my husband’s day a little easier. 

But, I try to do it anyway… 

I make his lunch for him each night so he just has to grab-and-go in the morning.  I take trash to the dump so that he doesn’t have to do it on his day off.  I even work about 6 hours per week doing his job so that he can have two TRUE days off each week (his job requires a 7 day work week).

We all deal with hardships.  We all have days that we just want to come home from work and curl up in a cocoon for the rest of the night.  So, lessen the load for your spouse.  It doesn’t have to be much.  Taking on just a bit of the other’s burden can make a big difference and really show that you love each other.

Tip #5:  Show love by doing little things.

Doing small things that show how much you love each other is one of the best marriage tips I’ve got, because these constant reminders are a great boost for any relationship.

Here are some awesome examples of small acts that can make a big impact in your relationship:

• Leave each other little love notes where they are least expected – on his driver’s seat or in the pocket of his jeans. 
• Sneak his favorite candy in his lunch box. 
• Buy that shirt he’s been wanting, just because. 
• Celebrate your 1,367th day together with a homemade cake (that says “Happy 1,367th Day!”). 

Get creative!  It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture or cost a lot of money.  It just has to be heartfelt and unexpected. Like printing off these flirty lunch box notes for your husband and hiding one in his lunch every now and then:

Or if you want even more ideas, then check out this post for Nice Things to Do for Your Husband, and grab a free printable 30 day challenge full of simple things you can do to show your love!

Tip #6:  Don’t sweat the small stuff.

Don’t let the “small stuff” like the fact that your husband leaves his dirty socks in the middle of the bedroom floor, be the cause of a big argument. Pick and choose your battles, and let all of the “small stuff” roll off your back. 

Is it really worth fighting about what type of coffee to buy at the grocery store?  Or the $10 purchase that he made that you think is unnecessary? 

If you are fighting about “small stuff” like that, then it probably means that you have a deeper issue to deal with, or a larger problem that is bothering you.  Find the time to have a constructive conversation about that instead.

Tip #7: Have fun with each other!

When real life starts to take over then the “Fun” can fly right out the window… Bills are due, kids need to be chauffeured to soccer practice, the grass is 2 feet tall, and your youngest has an ear infection.

But in the midst of everyday life, remember to take time to just have fun! Laugh with your spouse often, do fun things together, and try to bring joy into your relationship often.

You can send your husband a silly or flirty text message (like the one above) in the middle of the day to put a smile on his face, or surprise him with a date night to his favorite fast food restaurant. Whatever you do, just have fun together!

Tip #8:  Carve out small amounts of time together each day.

So, this may be TMI (too much information!), but my hubby and I take a shower together every night.  That is OUR time each day. 

You can’t take your phone in the shower, or be distracted by the TV or what kind of mess the kids are making.  It’s just the two of us, talking about our days or goofing off together.  I’ve even developed a sixth sense to detect when he’s about to turn the ice cold water on and spray it in my direction, usually when I’m washing my face and my eyes are closed  🙂 .

Find a way to carve out time each day that works for you.  Time that is just yours with no distractions. 

Maybe spend a few minutes asking each other these 150+ pillow talk questions in bed at night before you go to sleep.  Or maybe take a walk together around your neighborhood each night after dinner. 

And then make that time a priority.  In today’s fast paced world, it’s easy to push aside tasks that don’t seem important or productive.  But what is more important than your marriage?

Tip #9:  Know each other’s buttons – the good and the bad ones.

Chances are if you are married, then you know your spouse well enough to know what really pisses them off.  Don’t piss them off intentionally.  Duh.

This also includes knowing what makes your hubby feel extra loved!  Find out what your spouse’s love language is to be most effective at letting him know you love him! 

For a link to The 5 Love Languages quiz and for great ideas for how to “push the good buttons”, check out this post on 50 Ways to Show Your Husband Love Based on His Love Language!

Tip #10:  Get handsy!

This one is for you, Mom and Dad!  If I had a nickel for every time I saw my Dad grab my Mom’s butt! 

Ewww!  I know… you don’t want to think about your parents like that.  But I didn’t mind.  It was a constant reminder to me of how much my parents loved each other.  That and the stories my Dad would tell about seeing my Mom on the beach in her blue bathing suit when they were teenagers. 

Show your affection physically.  Keep the romance alive. 🙂

Tip #11:  Make your marriage your #1 priority.

We all have different priorities in life – from excelling at our jobs to becoming financially stable to raising happy and successful kids. But above all else, your marriage and your spouse should be your number one priority.

But what about the kids? 

Some may think that children should come first because your spouse is an adult and can take care of themselves, whereas children are reliant on you.  However, putting your children above your husband can lead to your spouse feeling neglected.  A happy spouse equals a happy marriage which, in turn, equals happy kids.

If you prioritize your marriage above all else, your relationship will prosper.

So, there you have it.  The best marriage tips ever, from my parents and grandparents, pastors, and dear friends. 

I’d love to hear how you keep your marriage happy and healthy!  Leave me a comment below, and I may add your tip to my list!