Are you in a boring marriage? Does the thought of your spouse just make you yawn? If you feel like you’re trapped in a black and white rerun, then here are some easy ideas to refresh boring married life.
My husband and I have been married for 14 years and together for 19 years. We started dating when we were in high school, and even though we’ve been together for so long, we are anything but bored.
Granted our life has been pretty darn exciting… we’ve lived in three different states together during that time, visited a handful of different countries, had two kids, and changed careers.
But guess what… most nights you can still find us sitting on the couch scrolling through our DVR watch list.
As an introvert and a homebody, I don’t mind cozy nights just relaxing with my hubby, but if the idea of doing the same old thing every single day is starting to get super boring for you, then here are some ideas to put a little newness and fun back into your boring marriage…
And be sure to check out these 10 Best Marriage Tips Ever from Couples Who Have Been Married for More than 10 Years!
How to Fix a Boring Marriage
First, get rid of your notions that you need to “fix” a boring marriage… because a BORING marriage is NOT a BROKEN marriage.
In fact, it’s probably just the opposite… if you’ve been married long enough to feel bored, then you’ve got to be doing something right… so don’t be so hard on yourself OR your marriage.
Ask yourself WHY you think that your marriage is boring… or WHY you think it needs to be fixed? Is it because you’re comparing your marriage to what your friends’ marriages look like on social media? Or because you’ve seen one too many romantic comedies and you’ve got unrealistic expectations of flash mobs and surprise weekend trips?
Maybe your marriage isn’t broken… Maybe your idea of what your marriage should look like is broken?
So instead of trying to “fix” something that isn’t broken, focus on things that you can do to refresh your marriage, whether through better communication, new routines, or creative date ideas.
Here are some things to try if you feel bored in your marriage:
Things to Do if You are Bored in Marriage
Try something new together
Doing the same thing over and over again can lead to feelings of boredom in marriage. So instead, do something that you’ve never done before, or even revisit things that you used to do but stopped doing years ago.
When my husband and I were first married, we used to have weekly game nights. We would play Scrabble, Monopoly, or Battleship at the kitchen island, just the two of us… with the TV off and our cell phones out of reach.
Over the years, we’ve gotten away from board games, so that could be something that we start up again, should we start to feel in a “rut”.
Here are some other ideas for new things you can do together if you’re in a boring marriage:
- Try one new restaurant every month. Doesn’t have to be anything expensive… even just the new fast food restaurant that just opened down the street.
- Take a cooking class together… sushi, chocolate making, cake decorating, etc.
- Go on a food tour of your city.
- If you usually go to see a movie on Friday night, go see a play instead.
- Tackle a big project together, like these easy DIY signs or this faux painted subway tile.
- Make a new recipe for dinner once each week… look through Pinterest or a new cookbook together to figure out what you will make.
- Go to a “sip and paint” type of workshop and learn to paint a picture while enjoying some wine together.
- Have game nights with brand new games that you’ve never played before.
Stop the boring conversation
It can be so easy to discuss the same things day after day…
What are we having for dinner tonight? What’s the weather supposed to be like tomorrow? How was your day at work? What time is the kids’ soccer game on Saturday?
And after years and years of having what feels like the same conversations every single day, it can get boring!
Here are some easy ways to refresh your boring marriage through better conversation:
- Use this list of 100 Questions to Ask Your Spouse Besides “How was your Day?“
- Try a communication game for couples. Go here for some great communication game ideas!
- Set aside 20 minutes every night of electronics-free time together. Put down your phones, turn off the TV, and just talk to each other.
- Take a genuine interest in what your spouse has to say. Ask questions to keep the conversation going.
- Play week-long games of 20 Questions… both of you write down 10 open-ended questions to ask each other throughout the week, when you’re in the shower together, driving to dinner, or taking a walk around the neighborhood.
Surprise each other
Surprises are anything but boring. You don’t walk into your own surprise party and let out a sigh and a yawn, right?
If surprising your husband at work with coffee is your normal way of saying “I love you”, then surprise him with tickets to a ball game instead.
Surprises don’t have to be expensive or tedious to plan, it’s more about doing thoughtful things that your spouse isn’t expecting… whether it be taking his car through the car wash while you’re out running errands, or hiding a sweet note in his lunch box.
It’s important to look for new and fresh ways to surprise your spouse, to keep from feeling bored in marriage.
Stop comparing your marriage to others
I blame social media for a lot of things in today’s society… and couples feeling bored in their marriages is one of them.
It’s so easy to scroll through your Instagram or Facebook feed and see picture after picture of your married friends hanging out on the beach, or having fun at an amusement park, or eating a giant ice cream cone at the fancy new ice cream shop that just opened.
Case in point… This is a photo that I posted to my personal Facebook account of my hubby and I hamming it up for the camera with some beignets:
Does this mean that we’re always going on fun vacations and eating way too much fried dough? NO!
Think about this…
How often do couples post pictures of themselves sitting on the couch watching Netflix?
That’s right… pretty much never.
So does that mean that every single married friend of yours is always out having an adventure worthy of 10,000 “likes”?
Even those friends of yours that seem to have the PERFECT marriage are probably sitting at home scrolling through their Watch List tonight!
And, ignore all of the “fairy tale” quotes that you see on social media, probably posted by bitter people that have just gotten out of relationships… I don’t know how many times I’ve seen stuff like… “Find someone that pursues you everyday.”
Those quotes just add to the feeling that your marriage is somehow inadequate because your husband isn’t pursuing you everyday. Like, hmmm… maybe I need to ditch my husband and find someone that makes me feel like a pretty pretty princess?
Just remember, social media IS NOT REALITY. In most cases, it’s a carefully curated collection of photos to make a person’s life seem extraordinary.
Because photos like this don’t get as many likes:
Even though a picture of the two of you sitting on the couch watching TV is probably a much more accurate representation of day-to-day reality.
Find out each other’s Love Language
If you feel like you’re in a boring marriage, maybe it’s because you don’t know each of your love languages.
There are Five Love Languages – Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch.
If the things that are important to you in a relationship have nothing to do with physical gifts, but yet your husband keeps bringing you home chocolates or flowers, then you could be bored and uninterested.
It’s important to know each other’s love language, so that you know how best to treat your spouse based on their needs.
Do one nice thing for each other every single day
And, no, I’m not talking about doing the same thing every single day.
Every night, I make my husband’s lunch for work the next day, but that doesn’t count. That’s part of our normal routine. He expects his lunch to be made, because that’s part of my unspoken “job”. Just like I expect him to cook dinner every night because otherwise we would starve (I’m a TERRIBLE cook!).
I’m talking about really putting in effort to do something small and thoughtful for each other every day…. something new and different that you haven’t done for him in a really long time, if ever.
Here are some examples:
- Swing by your spouse’s work to drop off their favorite coffee drink.
- Leave a sweet note on their steering wheel.
- Make a special dessert.
- Throw his towel in the dryer while he’s in the shower so it’s nice and warm when he gets out.
- Bring home his favorite ice cream from the grocery store.
Make a bucket list
One great way to fix a boring marriage is to make a bucket list!
Write down a list of new things that you want to do together, eventually, and then actually check things off your list. Use your bucket list to help you out when you feel like you’re stuck in your day-to-day routine, or when you need a little adventure to cure the feelings of boredom in marriage.
You should include both small, easy to do ideas AND extravagant plans on your bucket list, so that you don’t feel like everything on your list is just a pipe dream and unattainable.
Here are some fun ideas to add to your couples’ bucket list:
- Go berry picking at a local farm, and then come home and make a berry pie from scratch.
- Get a couple’s massage.
- Revisit the spot where you honeymooned.
- Go skinny dipping.
- Eat an unconventional food together, like chocolate-covered crickets.
Send Fun and Flirty Text Messages
Yes, having important, soulful conversations is important, but it’s also SUPER important to have fun and laugh together.
Try sending your husband some of these fun and flirty text messages to spice things up a bit.
Hopefully he’ll get the hint and text you something cheeky back, and you can start to incorporate some light-hearted and new texts to help alleviate the feeling that you’re in a boring marriage.
Go HERE for 31 Awesome Text Messages to Send Your Spouse, including this one (a personal favorite!):
Let go of your “Romantic Comedy” expectations
News flash… Most real life marriages aren’t like Hollywood rom-coms. So if you expect your husband to perform in a flash mob for you or to rent out your local ice rink for a romantic date, then you’ll be disappointed.
Don’t measure the success of your marriage against something fictional.
No, your husband probably doesn’t look like Matthew McConaughey, and he probably won’t take you for a surprise shopping spree on Rodeo Drive… and that’s okay.
Just because your marriage doesn’t mirror a Hollywood blockbuster, doesn’t mean that it’s a boring marriage.
Make a new routine
Don’t get me wrong… routines are great! I LOVE routines, especially routines for kids (like my kids’ bedtime routine that gives me a TON of free time at night!).
But if you feel bored in marriage, then routines can be, well… boring!
Mix things up a bit by going to a different restaurant on Friday nights, or abandoning Taco Tuesday for Whatever-I-Feel-Like-Cooking Tuesday.
Try to find an alternative for whatever you feel like is becoming a monotonous task or activity in your marriage… but sorry, there is no alternative to doing laundry. And if you find one, let me in on the secret! 🙂
But, keep in mind that having a routine can also be comfortable… which brings me to my next point…
Don’t confuse “comfortable” with “boring”
I actually feel like being “comfortable” in your marriage is a VERY good thing. To me, being comfortable means that I can be my true self, no make-up, messy (and I mean REALLY messy!) bun, and all.
It means that I don’t have to pretend to be someone I’m not. I can express my thoughts and feelings freely, and without pause. I can strip down to my comfy PJ’s after a long day, without worrying about if I look “pretty” enough.
I don’t have to put on a facade to impress anyone, and I don’t have to worry about my husband thinking that I’m not good enough.
Think about it in terms of your home…
Just like coming home after a long trip gives you the feeling of comfort. Who doesn’t look forward to sleeping in their own bed after they’ve been away for a while? Or turning on your TV and curling up on the couch with a snack?
To me “Home” represents a feeling of being completely comfortable… but so does my husband. To me, “Husband” and “Home” are interchangeable. My husband IS my home. He is where I feel safe, loved, and… comfortable.
Here’s a great article to help you distinguish between being bored and being comfortable in a relationship.
Stop blaming your “boring husband”
“My husband is boring.” Get rid of that idea now.
Realize that it’s not your spouse’s job to keep you entertained. You can’t blame your feelings of boredom in marriage on your boring husband.
Obviously you didn’t think that he was boring when you married him, so figure out what was different in the beginning of your marriage, and have open and honest conversations about how to get back to that.
But, take responsibility for your own feelings of boredom, rather than transferring all of the blame to your husband. Suggest constructive ideas for how to get rid of the boredom feelings, and take the time to implement some of the ideas in this post, rather than just pointing fingers at your spouse.
Which brings me to my next idea for how to refresh a boring marriage…
Get a new hobby
If you’re a Mom, then you’re probably used to hearing “Mom, I’m bored!”… and what do you tell your kids when they’re complaining of boredom…
Find something to do…. Play a board game, color in your coloring book, build a Lego tower, or do a craft.
The same thing goes for you. If you feel bored in your marriage, find a new hobby.
Not only will a new hobby help to keep you busy and entertained, it can also serve as a new topic of conversation in your marriage.
A Boring Marriage is NOT the end.
I hope that these actionable tips have given you some ideas for how to help alleviate the feeling that you’re in a boring marriage.
But even more so, I hope that this article has shown you that just because you’re having feelings of boredom in marriage, does NOT mean that your marriage is over.
Being “comfortable” in your marriage can be a HUGE blessing, but if you really feel like the feelings of comfort are crossing over to the boring zone, then try some of these tips.
Remember what attracted you to your spouse in the first place, and try to get back to that. Go on a new adventure, make a bucket list of things to look forward to, actually put your phones down while you’re talking to each other, and stop comparing your marriage to perfectly posed social media posts.
And remember your marriage vows…
If you vowed to be there for each other in sickness and in health, then surely you can overcome a bout of boredom.